Leo and Roxanne

This was me, before the accident:

About an hr later, I looked more horrible than this!

Photo taken TWO days after the accident

My lips and gum were bruised and swollen. I’ve ulcers in my mouth. I lost a upper front tooth; there are cracks across all my front teeth. I was given 3 to 4 stitches inside my mouth and another 2 stitches for the open wound under my lip. There is also a crack on my left shin.

So what happened?

We were driving down Cameron Highlands when our brakes malfunctioned. For a good 3-4 seconds, the brakes simply got stuck! And we were approaching this bend that is almost 180 degrees! Our car was moving faster and faster down the slope. On the right is the hilly terrain, on the left is a moderately sloping ravine. Charging to us was a jeep. We crashed head-on but at the corner (thank God!) into the jeep.

I was sleeping when our cars collided. The next thing I knew, I was rudely awaken to a mouthful of blood. I didn’t even know I was bleeding until I felt something choking me and I coughed. That was when I knew I was bleeding! I was shocked. I spit out those blood, and soon before I knew it, blood welled up in my mouth and I had to spit them out again. I was bleeding profusely. Leo got a shock when he saw me.

To cut the long story short, I bled for a good 4 hours before I got treated. The wait for the ambulance and later at Ipoh Hospital was terrible. It’s a miracle that I didn’t faint from the loss of blood.

***

This was one of the most traumatic, near-death experiences in our lives.

Both after and prior to the actual accident, Leo kept coming across passages of death in the bible. In fact, 4 or 5 passages in total, each time he opened the bible. The day after the accident, God gave him the revelation that the enemy has sent us the spirit of death. Leo asked for a confirmation of the revelation and Psalm 31:8 just came to his mind. He was shocked when he read the verse, Psalm 31:8 – “And You have not given me over into the hand of the enemy…”

Satan knew that Leo, like most Singapore drivers, did not know that brakes can overheat and jam. He knew that though Leo never intended to drive in this trip, much more drive to Cameron Highlands, Satan had his schemes to orchestrate Leo to be driving an unfamiliar car down Cameron Highlands for the sake of the family. He wanted to stop us, he wanted to prevent us from God’s destiny And if he can’t take our lives for God forbids him, he will want to destroy us in our work for God. Satan knew I am Leo’s biggest soft spot, so he wanted to destroy my emotions, destroy our marriage and break Leo down with guilt. He knew I will be going to many nations in my new missions coordinator job and ministry. In fact, Satan knew that I would be going Indochina for work the following week. (Interestingly, one of the key person I have to meet on this trip was also re-hospitalized!) He wanted to silence me – and if can’t take my life, the next best thing is to silence me, literally. I can’t speak for several days after the accident. He want to stop me from spreading God’s resources, to make me self conscious so that I would not face anyone with a missing front tooth. He knew my soft spot was pain, and for a lady, looks.

But praise God that He would not allow us to be tempted more than what we can bear. However, we must confess it was indeed a trying time not just in terms of physical pain, but psychologically and emotionally. At one time of weakness, our meaning of continual existence was even questioned. We saw the spirit of death playing it’s work in our thoughts and words… Words of despair, regret, guilt and despondence were uttered…

“No, stop darling.. We got to pray!” This was perhaps the wisest words uttered at that point of despondence. We started to pray. We prayed in our mind and spirit. We prayed for deliverance, we prayed for our Saviour’s help. We prayed out of that little spiritual strength left in us. So little we felt like there’s nothing. We really felt total, utter dependence on God, that should He not turn up, we would not know how to fight on our battles. We knew God has called us to a destiny, and we were going through many battles then. With our faith firmly in Him, we have seen His victories and miracles! But by now, we have lost our confidence to face even the next tiny battle…Doubt was coming upon us… “Jesus, save us!” It felt almost like this feeble desperate cry to Him, not unlike what Peter has uttered before the brink of destruction…

Thank God for though despair last for a moment, God’s deliverance comes quickly in the morning. Jesus heard our cry, and there was peace. Then, restoration. Then, victory. Hope returns. Faith rebuilds. Psalm 31 ministered to us thoroughly – God preserves His faithful. Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.

“Majesty, Majesty, Your grace has found me just as I am, Empty handed but alive in Your hands“ – We both cried as we sang to this part in our worship. Suddenly, we could understand the deeper meaning of the words. Oh how we have been found by His grace, and oh how empty we are, and oh how on earth have we remained because He has kept us alive in His hands… Do we still have what it takes to do His will? Well, we realized it’s not about how strong we are… no longer… we were humbled by the fragility of our lives and spiritual strength, yet we were awed by His total control and sovereignty. We knew God had allowed this. He allowed this for a purpose. Someone asked, “Does God have the right to do anything to your lives?” Let dust remain as dust in our knowledge. Let dust remember the privilege that we’re now a man because of His grace, not entitlement. Let dust revere the Majesty who gave Life and son-ship to him, forever. Do all things still work for the good of those who love Him? Absolutely!

***

1) We thank God that we were alive. Had we not collided with the jeep, we could have crashed into the barrier or into the hills and our vehicle overturned. We could have hit the jeep head on fully and not at the corner. We could even have steered left and fall off the hills. Or the brakes could have malfunctioned the earlier turn, where we would then go vertically down the ravine! God provided the jeep and guarded our brakes till the best time, best place for it to fail, for the safest crash.

2) We thank God that no one from the other jeep was injured. Not even a bruise. They all escaped unharmed. And can you believe, there were 4 of them! This was despite both vehicles hit each other at speed from the opposite direction!

3) Thank God my dad and Leo only suffered minor injuries. The impact was supposedly greatest for Leo, yet he escaped with minor bruises on his knee. *Seat belts are important – even for back passengers. The car did not have seat belts at the back, which was why I was badly injured…

4) Thank God I didn’t suffer more injuries. The impact of the collision was so great that my front upper tooth flew out from it’s root and Leo’s wedding ring flew out from his finger! (thank God he found it) With such an impact, had I hit my jaw, face or head, the consequences would have been dire.

5) Thank God for healing our trauma. I was sleeping when the accident happened, so one of the most traumatic thing was, I didn’t know how and why the accident occurred. All I knew was I was awaken by shouting and a great jerking impact, then a mouthful of blood. At that time, I felt so sorry for myself. I was the most innocent, but worst hit (if I get hit, Leo gets hit as well for he’s the driver, and I am his soft spot). I couldn’t eat nor drink. I even had difficulty drinking from a straw. I was really upset. Top it off, everyone around me told me I’m lucky to be alive. They didn’t know my pain. I couldn’t believe I was lucky until….

the 4th day after the accident, God gave me a vision. He brought me back to the scene and showed me how everything happened. He showed me how we could have died (and the probability that happening was very high) but He sent a jeep to save us. He didn’t send any other car, but a strong vehicle as that of a jeep. I was really thankful. Really, really thankful.

Indeed, the eyes of the Lord roam over the earth, to watch over His people. God is great! He is good. May His name be exalted. May He prepare our hearts and spirit so that we will last all kinds of testings and trials that the end days may bring us.

Praise Him we are still alive to serve Him.

- Roxanne and Leo